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October 27, 2016

Fostering Security in Your Adopted Child

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As a blogger, I may be compensated in some way (either pay, product, or experience) for sharing the post below All opinions are my own. ~Heidi

security

q28

Heidi Says …

I remember once hearing my mom say that she didn’t feel any differently about my brothers than she did about me. She loved them every bit as much; it didn’t matter if I was biological and they were adopted. Years later, when we were waiting to adopt Gracie, one of the other waiting mothers expressed concern that she wouldn’t be able to love her children as much as she might if they were  born of her. I shared with her what my mom had said and tried to ease her mind. I was going into this adoption having had a biological child and I felt certain I wouldn’t feel any different about my adopted child. 

And, my mom was right. You love all your  children the same. It doesn’t matter how they come into your family. They are yours, God planned for them to be there, and you love them all the same. In fact, sometimes I’ve even said that, while I don’t love my adopted children any less or any more than my biological child, sometimes I feel like I am more appreciative to have them because I know how difficult the road was to get to them. Having a child is easy (of course, I’m not making light of infertility issues here because I, too, have experienced them). Adopting a child comes with a large number of ups and downs, which we’ve been discussing over the past few weeks. 

I hope that my children sense this and know that we love them all the same. 

When Gracie was little, she was abundantly shy. So much so that she would often keep her head down and avoid making eye contact or speaking with strangers (or even friends!) I wondered how that would play out  and if she might exhibit feelings of insecurity when she got older, but she has really outgrown the shyness and has become very secure. Some of this may be the result of homeschooling as well, but she doesn’t worry about what other people think of her. She excels in music and doesn’t get nervous to perform. And, she’s not afraid to disagree with her peers or do things that might not be the “norm” for teens. In other words, she’s quite secure in her Gracie-ness, and I love that!

Ian’s only 10, but I don’t anticipate any feelings of insecurity for him either.

Our extended family loves our children and has welcomed them in just as if they were born into the family. Our church family has been the same (even having baby showers for us when our babies came home). 

Other Adoptive Parents Say …

Denice in WI:

I haven’t seen any insecurity yet.  We have never treated any of our five children any differently. I pray that it leads to security – knowing that their birth mothers loved them enough to give them a better life, that they were made for our family even though they were born on the other side of the world, that we loved them so much that we did everything we could to get to them and bring them home as quickly as we could.

Bev in NC:

I don’t think adoption has factored into security issues for our children.

Jennifer in OK:

Both of my children have been equipped the best we knew how to answer adoption questions.  Just now as a 15 and 16-year-old I feel they are coming to the point that they are totally comfortable answering questions about adoption.  They’ve both recently thanked us for adopting them and loving them no matter what.  I feel they are very secure teens.  They both had times that they were uncertain and maybe some insecurities had crept in but overall they are very secure right now.


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international-adoption This post is part of the 31 Days of {International} Adoption series. All posts from the series will be linked within the body of the introduction post, making posts in the series easy to find and access. You can read them in order, or look through the topics, find one that interests you, and go from there. 

I hope that, in addition to these posts, you will follow me on social media as well. I’ll tweet links to all 31 posts using the #write31days hashtag – you can find me on Twitter at twitter.com/HeidiSays. Please also connect with me on Facebook at facebook.com/HeidisHead and on Instagram at instagram.com/heidi.strawser/.  I’m happy to answer any questions you may have. You can connect with me here, on social media, or via e-mail. 

I’m so glad you found my blog. I pray that 31 Days of {International} Adoption will be a blessing to you! 

More from my site

  • Should YOU Adopt?Should YOU Adopt?
  • Adoption SurprisesAdoption Surprises
  • Is Race an Issue When Considering Adoption?Is Race an Issue When Considering Adoption?
  • Questions Prospective Adoptive Parents Should AskQuestions Prospective Adoptive Parents Should Ask
  • Questions Adopted Children AskQuestions Adopted Children Ask
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Filed Under: #write31days, adoption Heidi Leave a Comment

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